Have you ever passed through an experience which just didn’t seem to make sense? I had one of those recently where I felt like nothing I had ever been through had prepared me for the darkness of the path I was now on.
An ongoing season of struggle and pain had intensified to a crescendo of sorrow and confusion. I walked through the worst day of it just feeling numb – just kind of wandering around with a deep sense of shock and helplessness. I didn’t know what to say to God. I kept thinking thoughts like “God, I can’t believe You are allowing this to happen…” I felt shaken to my core, forgotten and unloved.
Sometime later in the night, I started just talking to God. I let Him know how I was feeling. I told Him that I felt like none of my prayers or life experiences had prepared me for what I was facing. I wound up my prayer by saying “Lord, if You want me to walk with You through this, You have to show me how because I don’t know how to walk through this with You.” God listened to my honest heartbreak and I felt Him release my spirit from the numbness. I began feeling His care and peace. I was able to pray in faith about the situation after that.
As I reflected on the peace that came when I talked to Jesus and how the entire bleak situation looked different in the glow of His presence, I received the comforting revelation that it is better to walk through pitch blackness with Jesus than it is without Him.
Sometimes, life won’t make sense. We won’t always understand why God lets us face grief and hardship. We know His hands are strong enough to spare us pain. Why then does He allow it? The enemy of our souls invites us to turn our hearts away from Christ and nurse our bitterness and hurt in the darkness alone. No…I have learned that it is better for us to clutch the lamp of God’s word and allow the Holy Spirit to lead us through the darkest times of our lives. Remember the Wise Virgins in Matthew 25? Could it be that deep darkness precedes the brilliant light of God’s face? I think so.
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